Joey, look what I found.
A card Wesley made for me in the first grade.
"I love you more than chicken nuggets."
- Wow. - [audience laughing]
Coming from a six-year-old Wes, there was no higher compliment.
He was so warm and cuddly back then.
Now when I talk to him, it's one-word answers.
He's a teenage boy. What did you expect? To be his prom date?
Why is that so frowned upon?
[audience laughing]
Hey, guys, can I show you my talent show act?
Oh, my baby.
[audience laughing]
Jeez! Let him breathe, Jus.
Don't ever grow up.
[audience laughing]
All right, let's see you act, Dae.
Well, I have so many talents, it was hard for me to decide.
Then I realized, I don't have to. I can do it all.
So, check it out.
♪ Fifty, nifty, United States, Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas ♪
[audience laughing]
[playing off-key]
[grunts]
♪ Connecticut, Delaware...♪
Hold on! Hold on!
Dude, you know they asked me to emcee the talent contest, right?
It would be easier to intro your thing, if it's an actual thing.
But more is more.
You don't understand. This is show business, Dad.
Your dad may not have a lot of experience in show business,
but he might be right about this.
Okay, I can do something with Corey.
Corey? Who's that?
He's a new kid at my school, and we're already like best friends.
You and Corey can work on your act when he comes over for your playdate.
Yeah. Oh, and, Dad, I met Corey's father, and he's a rapper, too.
Really? What's his name?
I think he said it was Dr. Breakneck.
Breakneck?
You're friends with Darnell Bell's kid? Jus, you know about this?
No, I just text with his mom. I didn't know who his dad was.
- What's wrong with Dr. Breakneck? - Nothing.
Leave me and your dad alone for a minute...
and, here, take your bag of talent.
[audience laughing]
You know Breakneck's a thief, right?
You still holding onto this?
Yes, he bit my rhymes, he bit my style, even his name Breakneck.
What comes after Breakneck? Speed.
But he came after me.
Breakneck speed, huh?
I never got that.
Yes, and he ran around telling people he beat me in a rap battle.
Nobody ever beat me in a rap battle.
Joey, that happened so long ago. Nobody's gonna remember.
February 22, 1983, at The Fever and that crowd said I was the winner.
I'm sure they did.
And Daevon will learn all about that in his history class.
But you gotta put that behind you now, Joey, and set an example for your son.
I'll tell you when I set an example for my son.
February 22, 1983 at The Fever.
- Joey. - Fine.
[audience laughing]
- Wes, what's going on? - Nothing. [typing on mobile]
- What are you up to? - Stuff.
You wanna go to the outlet mall today?
Yeah, your mom wants to get a prom dress.
So, what do you say?
Uh...
Nah. Oh, chicken nuggets! I love these more than anything.
I don't believe this.
I know.
Those were my nuggets.
[audience laughing]
♪ Ooh, all about the Washingtons ♪
♪ It's like this, y'all ♪
[sighs]
I shouldn't be doing this.
I need to stop.
But I'm not going to.
[audience laughing]
Man, even his dog is cute.
- Hey, Veronica. - Hi.
What you doing?
Um...
I'm...just looking at this picture of a cute dog.
Aww! He's so cute.
- Like. - Mom.
What? You just said it was a cute dog.
You can't just be liking random dogs.
Fine. I'll just go hug Daevon somewhere.
[audience laughing]
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is so bad. This is really bad.
What's really bad?
Nothing.
Everything is fine.
Oh, my God. This is so bad.
Veronica, you're freaking out. What's going on?
You have to swear not to tell anyone.
I swear.
Okay. I love Malik, but I met this incredibly cute guy named Blake,
and I can't stop thinking about him.
You're torn between two men.
I've read about it in Russian novels, but I've never seen it in real life.
You're not gonna throw yourself under a train, are you?
- What? - Anna Karenina.
Never mind.
Anyway, I was looking through Blake's feed,
and mom came in and liked this picture of his dog from two years ago.
And why is that so bad?
He'll get a notification that I liked it.
No one looks at pictures from two years ago unless they're a stalker.
Oh, so, you're gonna seem like a stalker because...
Yeah, 'cause I'm a stalker.
[audience laughing]
Wait. There's gotta be a way out of this. It's a border collie.
Isn't it possible that you're just really into border collies?
Yeah. [pants] It's not a bad idea.
I could just say I'm a huge border collie fan,
the kind that's constantly looking for pictures of border collies.
And that when I liked the picture of his border collie,
I went to go see if there were more pictures of border collies on that feed,
and I saw a picture of him.
- What are the chances? - Yeah. Exactly.
So, I had to call him to make sure
he didn't thin anything weird was going on.
[sighs] This is a good plan.
Got to be better than throwing yourself under a train.
- Hey, Mr. Washington. - Hey, Dad.
Hey, Dae. Corey.
We got our act.
- I don't know if I really wanna... - Five, six, seven, eight.
♪ If you're ever in a jam Here I am ♪
♪ If you're ever in a mess, SOS ♪
♪ It's friendship, friendship ♪
♪ Just a perfect blendship ♪
♪ When other friendships Have been forgot ♪
♪ Ours will still be hot A-lottle-dottle-dottle-dig-dig-dig ♪
[audience laughing]
- So, what do you think? - Adorable.
[doorbell rings]
- That's probably my dad. - I thought your mom was picking you up.
No, my dad said he wanted to see you.
Really? I wanna see him, too.
Hey, Dae, why don't you take your friend upstairs
and lottle, dottle, dig, dig, dig some more?
[audience laughing]
Speed.
Breakneck.
Got something for you.
It's toffee.
[audience laughing]
I remember how much you had a sweet tooth. [laughs]
Come on, man. Bring it in.
[laughs]
It is great to see you, man.
How ridiculous would it be,
if after all these years, we still had beef?
Yeah. Ridiculous.
[audience laughing]
And how crazy is it that me and you, two knuckleheads from the streets,
end up being private school dads in the suburbs?
Yeah, the exact same suburb...
I moved to first.
Um...Another thing.
The principal at the kids school;
he called me and he realized that he had not one,
but two superstar MC dads and asked me to co-host the talent show with you.
- Co-host? - No doubt.
[Breakneck laughs]
School ain't gonna know what hit 'em. Ha ha!
Hey, guys. Come on, Corey. Let's go. [claps hands]
All right, baby. See you tomorrow. Ha ha ha!
Breakneck Speed! Breakneck Speed! Breakneck Speed! Breakneck Speed!
It's Speed Breakneck.
[shouts] ♪ Friendship, friendship ♪
Take that ship somewhere else, man.
- [audience laughing] - [exhales]
What's going on?
Principal Bagley asked that thief to co-host the talent show with me.
So, co-host a talent show.
But that was my gig.
It's a fourth grade talent show.
I was gonna rap all the kids intros. Now what am I supposed do?
Me with another dude on stage, trading off lines,
that's gonna seem weird.
Joey, I'm gonna need you to act like a reasonable adult here.
[laughs] Everybody's against me.
[audience laughing]
Hey, Wes.
Mom, do we have a thermometer?
What's going on?
I was over at Derek's, and I started feeling bad all of a sudden,
like...like achy and the chills. I think I need you to make me some soup.
You...[soft voice] You need me?
Yeah. Can you feel my forehead, please? Do I have a fever?
[soft voice] Yes! [ordinary voice] I mean, yes.
Go on upstairs and I'll be right there to give you whatever you need.
- Okay. - Okay.
Do you realize how great this is?
Our son is sick and this is good?
Yeah, because I can take care of him.
We'll have plenty of time to talk. He'll be all vulnerable.
This is the best thing that could ever happen.
Now I see why you need me to be a reasonable adult.
[audience laughing]
Okay. I definitely seem like a border collie fanatic now.
My last 50 posts are border collies. My profile picture is a border collie,
and I paid $75 to join, the Border Collie Society of America.
No one made you subscribe at the Platinum Collar Level.
[audience laughing]
This is pretty good.
I'm gonna make the call.
[typing on mobile]
It's voicemail.
[deep breath] Hi, Blake, it's Veronica Washington,
Tanisha's coding teacher. Funny thing. [chuckles ant takes breath]
I just realized I liked a picture from a couple of years ago on your feed,
which may have seemed a little weird, but it's not.
You see, it was a picture of a border collie,
and I happen to be a huge border collie aficionado,
which you would see if you went on my feed.
I'm just always searching all those border collie hashtags
and liking those border collie pictures.
So, while it may seem like I was stalking you,
the only thing I was stalking was border collies.
So just to wrap this up,
something that may have seemed weird was actually not weird at all.
Okay, have a great day.
- What? - We have a problem.
I thought I just solved it.
No. Look at the picture Mom liked.
There's no border collie hashtag. He didn't hashtag it.
There's no way you could've found it that way.
The only way you could've found it is if you were...
A stalker.
I'm afraid so.
[sighs]
[rap music playing]
Wow. That soup is so good.
Oh, great. Just let me know if you need anything else.
Thanks, Mommy.
Yes!
So, I wonder where you picked up this bug from.
Hanging out with any new people?
Have any new...feelings for anybody?
[chuckles] What do feelings have to do with it?
[breaths in] Mind, body, it's connected, Wes.
It's science.
Well, I am sort of dating this new girl, but I don't think I got it from her.
Really?
New girl?
What's her name?
- Tessie. - What's Tessie like?
[yawns] She's a year older than me. [sighs]
She's really nice and smart and...we used to have one until the wheels fell off.
Oh, the medicine's kicking in.
- [laughs] You know what's a weird word? - What?
Crisp. [laughing]
Crisp.
[audience laughing]
You get some rest. We'll have plenty of time to talk later.
[audience laughing]
[rap music playing]
What the heck is this? Your "My Child Is Sick" dance?
No, this is my "I'm Getting What I Want" dance.
Wesley already told me he's dating a girl, and her name is ♪ Tessie ♪.
[tsks] Remind me to hire a nurse next time I'm sick.
Can you imagine how much I'm gonna learn, in the next few days?
Thank goodness we didn't get those flu shots.
[cell phone ringing]
Hey, Nina.
Yeah, Wes doesn't feel well.
Derek had it too?
Really?
Are you serious?
Okay. Thanks for telling me.
What is it?
Is he gonna be okay?
Yeah, but I'm not. It's just a 24-hour virus.
[audience laughing]
Ahh! Pretty cool, huh?
Me and you sharing the stage?
Yeah, cool.
First time since The Fever, right?
The Fever?
I can't believe you're bringing up the scene of the crime, man.
The scene of the crime?
Are you still holding on to that old beef.
Thought we was cool, man.
No, man, we ain't cool.
You bit my rhymes.
Next thing I know your taking all my moves.
I'm like this and then you're like this.
Then you run around telling people you beat me in a rap battle?
Me beat you in a rap battle? Why would I say something like that, huh?
You were the king. I mean, you are the king.
Go on.
If I did any similar moves, it wasn't that I was trying to rip you off.
It's the fact that...I idolized you, man.
Man, I can't blame you for that.
You mean to tell me, I've been carrying this around for all these years
and it wasn't even true, for real?
Yeah.
I want no beef with you, man.
Come on now. We cool, right?
Yeah.
- Yeah, we cool. - [chuckles] That's what I'm talking about.
I'm thinking we should get some intros like first up we got Eric.
- OK. Right. - The Magician.
I'm thinking it's, like, ♪ Abracadabra, the kid's coming at ya ♪
♪ Pulls the rabbit out the hat ♪
♪ How did he do that? Makes magic look so easy ♪
♪ It's like he got a lamp and a genie ♪
♪Coming to the stage is the Teeny...[shouts] Houdini ♪
[squealing]
Your dopeness.
Get up. You ain't gotta do that.
I can see why you're doing it.
[Breakneck laughing]
[knocks on door]
So, how's my favorite stalker?
It's not funny, Sky.
I hate that Blake thinks I'm a freak. The voicemail didn't make it any better.
What should I do?
You should just stop.
I think doing things is really what's been your problem.
No, an adult confronts their problems head on.
- Adult? - Shut up.
[audience laughing]
I have to come clean.
[sighs]
[rings]
- Hello. - Hi, Blake, it's Veronica Washington.
- About that voicemail I left yesterday... - You left me a voicemail?
I have terrible reception here. A lot of the time I don't get messages.
So, you didn't get a chance to see any notifications or voicemails?
No. What was the message?
Is everything okay with Tanisha?
Yeah, everything's okay with her.
Good. Then why were you calling?
Because everything's not okay with her. I should have said that before.
[audience laughing]
Oh, no. What's going on?
It's not something I feel comfortable talking about over the phone.
I understand. I'm happy to meet you in person.
Yeah, in person would be good.
- Where should we meet? - Where should we meet? Uh...
- Champagne brunch. - Champagne brunch?
- No, not champagne brunch.
I meant my office. It's next to the coding classroom.
Great, I can meet you there in a few hours if that's okay.
Yeah, that's fine.
If you do get that voicemail, you can just go ahead and delete it,
because I told you everything on it, so there's no need to listen to it.
Okay? Great, bye.
Champagne brunch?
What do you want from me? I'm 12.
[audience laughing]
Jus, what you are doing? It is freezing in here.
I know.
You think it'll work, or you think blasting heat is better?
Are you trying to make our son sicker?
No, that would be terrible.
I'm just trying to keep him the same amount of sick, but for longer.
Jus!
What?
Hey, guys.
Hey, babe.
How are you feeling?
You know, I feel a lot better actually.
That's great.
Yeah, that's great.
[exhales] Yeah, it's like I just slept the whole thing off.
Yeah, that's what you did all right.
But you can't be 100%. You want some soup?
[chuckles] You know, I think I'm okay.
I'm gonna take a hot shower. It's kind of freezing in here, Mom.
[audience laughing]
I can't believe I'm back to freakin' "Mom."
[audience laughing]
[knocks]
- Hey, Veronica. - Oh, hi.
Thanks for coming in, Brad.
It's Blake.
Is it? I'm sorry.
I deal with so many parents and none are more significant than others.
Okay.
Um, what's going on with Tanisha? Is there a problem?
No, there's no problem.
And that's what alarms me.
What?
Ironically, the least problematic students require the most intervention.
Why is that?
Because a problem could crop up at any moment.
Like now....
or now.
- Now? - No, not now. You'll get the hang of it.
The Harvard Journal of Studies did a report on this.
They tracked 1,000 non-problematic youths into adulthood
and...yikes!
The Harvard Journal of Studies?
I know. It's sobering.
I felt I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't bring this to your attention.
Okay, I'll keep an eye on my non-problematic child.
Good.
Unless there's another reason you asked me to come down here?
No. Mnh-mnh.
[audience laughing]
Just this. Thanks for coming in, Brad.
It's...my pleasure, Virginia.
[audience laughing]
Oh, my God.
♪ It's like this, y'all It's like this, y'all ♪
So, do you think he found out you like him?
I don't think so,
but we may have to make a website for the Harvard Journal of Studies.
[audience laughing]
- ♪ It's the talent! - Yo! ♪
♪ It's the Victor A Overmaster Middle School talent show! ♪
[Joey] Oh!
[wowing and applauding]
Yo, welcome everybody. I'm Dr. Breakneck, AKA Corey's dad.
Hey, and I'm MC Speed, AKA Deavon's dad.
And the two of us ain't shared the stage in a very long time
and I wanna say in front of these folks, I ain't gonna get moist, but yo,
I'm excited to be rocking the stage with you, brother.
Thank you. Much respect to you, bro.
We've got some really talented kids here tonight,
and thank you to our judges who will be deciding the winner.
So, let's get this party started.
Our first student is Eric Carmichael. He's gonna do some magic.
[shouts]
♪ Abracadabra ♪
♪ This kid coming at you Pull a rabbit out his hat ♪
♪ Mind blown, how you do that? ♪
♪ It's like he made magic look so easy ♪
♪ It's like he got a lamp and a genie Coming to the stage ♪
♪ It's the Teeny Houdini ♪
[applauding and wowing]
What the heck are you doing, man?
Yo, man, that's my rhyme.
No, it's not.
I wrote it. I remember it was in my mind and it came out my mouth.
Eric, let's go, baby.
Ladies and...
Wait, wait, wait. Hold up, man. This is not gonna happen.
- Dude is a thief. - What are you talking about?
- Man, you's a biter. - I'm not a biter.
Principal Bagley, this dude is a biter.
Doesn't the school have zero tolerance for biters?
Okay, that's enough.
I'm telling you, Jus, this dude stole my rhymes.
- Listen, I'm tired of hearing about this. - [sighs]
If you two have a problem, you need to settle it.
- I know, like adults, right? - No.
You need to settle it with a rap battle.
- What? - Yeah, man.
A rematch. Ha ha!
Okay. Well, I'm just gonna crush you again.
Okay. MC Joe Speed, you're up.
Yeah.
♪ Listen up, children 'Cause class is in session ♪
♪ Gonna take the time To teach y'all a lesson ♪
♪ Breakneck is wack, All he does is jack ♪
♪ You see all that sticky stuff On his teeth? ♪
♪ That's somebody else's plaque ♪
[audience ooh's]
Whatever, whatever.
♪ MC Speed think he invented Rapping finger wag ♪
♪ He's so full of it I'm surprised his pants ain't sag ♪
♪ Wanna accuse me of being a thief ♪
♪ Go get Speed a tofu burger 'Cause he can't handle this beef ♪
[audience oh's]
♪ As a matter of fact, I'm gonna do this From the top of my head ♪
♪ 'Cause this dude back there He's dead ♪
♪ You in here trying to beat me In a battle ♪
♪ You's a sucker MC Get out of my face ♪
♪ Skedaddle ♪
[audience laughing]
♪ It was February 22, 1983 ♪
♪ When this day a rapper Go down in infamy ♪
♪ When MC Speed Thought that he could battle me ♪
♪ But he didn't know my rhymes Flow fluently ♪
[stammers] ♪ They flow fluently ♪
- [Ohing audience] - No. I can...oh!
- Hold on. - No need to hold on.
[grunts]
♪ Son, you don't have the strength The prowess or the quickness ♪
♪ Mess with MC Speed, You're about to get the business ♪
♪ I could go on, but you get the gist ♪
♪ That's it, kids...rap class dismissed ♪
[kids wowing and applauding]
Okay, let's settle this once and for all.
Judges, let's see some scores for MC Joe Speed.
[kids applauding and wowing]
That's gonna be hard to beat.
Let's see some scores for Dr. Breakneck.
[applauding]
What the heck?
Tens are actually the only cards we have.
We don't want anyone to feel bad.
You know what? Let's let the crowd decide.
If you like Dr. Breakneck, give it up.
[scattered cheering]
If you like MC Joe Speed, let's make some noise.
[loud cheering]
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
I crushed MC Speed again. [cackling]
This guy's unhinged. What the heck?
[singing his way through]
Asking you two to co-host was obviously a huge mistake on my part.
[audience laughing]
Let's get on with the 4th Grade Talent Show.
[cheering]
Daevon, you and Corey killed it.
I know. We left it on the stage.
That's why we got nothing but tens! Ya-ha!
Ooh! Wow!
I'm gonna tell you, the crowd loved me. It's undeniable that I won.
No one's denying it. You won the fourth grade talent show.
Yes, and it felt amazingly good.
You set the record straight. You can put all that behind you now.
And I ain't gotta see Breakneck no more.
[whimpers]
[audience laughing]
I did get us a table together at the Winter Carnival.
His wife is nice.
[clears throat]
Hey, Wes, by any chance you feel a relapse coming on?
No, I feel fine.
Oh, Okay
Hey. Because of you, I kicked that thing in a day.
Thanks, mommy.
[sobs] Mommy? Oh, my.
Oh, no.
- Everything okay - Everything is fine.
[humms]
I just got a notification.
Blake liked one of my pictures from two years ago.
Why would he do that?
- Unless... - He knows I like him.
And he likes you.
[knock on door]
Who's that?
Surprise.
Malik, what?
It's a border collie!
[audience laughing]
I never knew you were such a border collie fanatic.
When I saw those pictures on your feed, I knew I had to get you one.
Veronica's a border collie fanatic?
I sure am.
I love those border collies.
That's why it's the perfect gift for me. Thank you, Malik.
[chuckles] What shall we name him?
Definitely not Blake.
[theme music playing]